Turn into Earth
by FallenUpStairs
Summary: Falling feels a lot like flying until he tore his grace out then it was agony, but for Karen and Bobby Singer, it was a miracle. Canon twist.


**Author's Notes:** I wanted to write Supernatural so I did and instead of finishing my first chapter of the Avatar AU I started, I began this instead. Hooray for writing! I don't own the name of idea of 'Cassidy' I read a fic with it and I can't remember what it's called, but it's amazing. Also, I have this unhealthy obsession with Destiel soooo heads up.

**Summary:** Falling feels a lot like flying until he tore his grace out then it was agony, but for Karen and Bobby singer, it was a miracle. Canon twist.

**Disclaimer: **I named my stuffed moose Sam, that's about as close to owning Supernatural as I'll get.

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_Turn into Earth  
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_Part One_

_Falling feels a lot like falling._

That was a saying among the people on Earth, every now and again he would listen to their murmurings, ever curious about their functions through every day tasks. He heard this particular one recently and since then it has pricked the back of his conscious, confusing him. He was familiar with the concept of flying, had been since he was a fledgling. Falling on the other hand, he'd be a fool not to fear it. Any who even considered the idea was blasphemous and those who went through with the act sentenced themselves to death.

Decades ago, he would have never thought of it, the idea of falling. Then scrimmages between his brothers and sisters began and he felt the one thing that an angel never should, doubt. He doubted his Father, how could someone who they professed all their love sit by and allow his children to shed each others blood? When Gabriel disappeared, he wished that he had gone with his brother, wherever Gabriel had gone to it had to be better than this, it had to be. But still he remained, he stayed in heaven and continued to watch what could only be described as Civil War. He was a lowly foot soldier meaning he did not have the privileges to know what the reasoning behind the fighting was and also being the youngest in his garrison? Well, needless to say out of all his brothers and sisters, chances were that he'd be the last to know.

He was designed to do two things; to love his Father and his siblings unconditionally and to follow orders. However after time playing its toll, there reached a point where the bubbling feeling of unease and doubt in the very core of his grace became too much to ignore any longer. It was like he said, he was a lowly foot soldier, surely they would not notice his absence for a time at least, but even if they didn't he simply could not feel content remaining in heaven any longer.

Falling feels a lot like flying, until he ripped out his grace, then it was pure agony.

**.:…:.**

_Everything you touch breaks Bobby Singer._

Time and time again his father would say these words to him until it was burned into his brain. It took years, but he was finally beginning to doubt those words. That was until he and Karen decided that they were ready to have a child of their own. At first, there was still the niggling doubt that crept up telling him that having a child would be a decision that he would come to regret, except he loved Karen too much to take this away from her so he endured. However no matter how hard they tried, in the end the result was always the same. Considering his thoughts on children, Bobby would not have minded this result, but seeing how it tore down Karen every time his viewpoint shifted. It was reaching the point where Bobby was starting to believing that they would need a miracle, if such things even existed.

"I'm here reporting from Rhodes farm, just twenty miles from Sioux Falls where several days ago a meteor landed. Astrologists are thrilled with the landing of both this and another meteor that crashed down in-"

"Bobby?" Bobby's attention broke away from the television to look towards his wife. Seeing her red eyes and a tear streak down of her cheeks, he was out of his chair and by her side before he could put together a single thought.

"Karen what is it? What's wrong?" he asked dreading what could have put her in such a state. But that feeling fluttered away when she smiled and grabbed his hands.

"I'm pregnant." she whispered, her smile growing, "I'm pregnant." she said again, a new wave of tears spilled from her eyes as she leaned forward, her shoulders shaking. Shell shocked, Bobby wrapped his arms around her.

What was he supposed to feel? The first instinct was elation, that she was pregnant, that he was going to be a father but then there was the fear, the same fear that he felt before. Trying to shove this emotion away, Bobby held onto Karen tighter unable to think of a proper thing to say.

The next nine months kept him busy, between Karen's mood swings and odd cravings (he didn't know that bacon and peanut butter could go together) and turning one of the spare rooms into a nursery. Karen was adamant about painting it a robin's egg blue, certain that the cause of her very obvious bump was a boy. "He's as impatient as you." she told him one day, resting her hand on her stomach, wincing as the baby kicked again, "Can't wait to get out can you Cassidy?"

It took him a moment, "Cassidy?" he asked, dubious.

Ger cheeks turned pink realizing her slip up, "My brother's name was Cassidy and I thought it was nice, plus I like the name so I thought-."

He cut her off, really when had be been able to say no to her? "I love it." he rumbled placing his hand on top of hers, the way her face lit up was worth it (even if his kid was doomed to have a girly ass name).

The final two months seemed to have gone by before he could even blink. Before he knew it, a nurse in blue scrubs led him to an infant wrapped in a blue blanket and placed the child in his arms.

"Say hello to your daddy." the nurse cooed to the infant once she knew that Bobby was safely holding on him.

The man stood stock still, not wanting to disturb his son, "Uh, hey there." said uncertain, chancing a glance at the nurse who smiled reassured. He cleared his throat taking in the small bundle that wouldn't have stood out from the rest of the other newborns if it weren't for the wisps of black hair on his son's head. Then he caught himself, his son, he was a father, "This is my boy." he said to himself, then looked again to the nurse, "My son." his eyes began to prick, the tension in his body slowly slipping away, "My son." he said again only dimly aware of the nurse conveying her congratulations. From the corner of his eye he could make out the words on the tag placed in front of the box.

_Cassidy Robert Singer_

Maybe he should of realized that when his life started to seem like nothing could go wrong, something horrible was going to happen. Maybe if he had the foresight to predict this, he could of prevented it from happening. Though, that did not make him feel any better after the fact. He figured he only had a proper family for just over two years after Cassidy's birth, despite all his foreboding towards being a father, he felt that during the time the feeling ebbed away. He could tell that little Cas (a nickname he started calling his boy after a year because lets be honest he loved Karen, but his boy having a girl's name just wasn't right) mostly took after his mother, dark hair and blue eyes. But, Bobby swore that Cassidy was the quietest kid he ever met, even as an infant he rarely fussed, at the time he just counted his blessings that he was not being woken up in the middle of the night. Overall, he was living a blessed life, so how did he end up here?

Cas trembled beside him murmuring words into his shirt so Bobby couldn't properly hear what he was saying. "Son." his voice cracked so he tried again. "Cassidy." he said softly, his voice still strained as he tried to get his son to lift his head away from his father's shoulder. Bobby rubbed his free hand on Cas' back, trying to sooth the trembling, a wasted effort. Could he blame him? The blood, the black eyes, how the knife went into Karen's ches-he stopped himself from continuing the thought, his own heart felt as if he had stabbed himself rather than his wife. He just felt so raw, everything happened so quickly. Blinking harshly, Bobby sat on the couch trying to pull Cas away resulting in the young boy crying out and clinging tighter. "It's alright." he tried to sooth him._  
_

The mop of black hair tickled his chin as Cas shook his head mumbling something into Bobby's shoulder, this time he could make it out, _Demon. Scary Face. Took Mommy__._ The man, Rufus he called himself, he told Bobby what had happened to Karen and promised that he would cover up what Bobby had done, any day before today Bobby would know better than to trust a complete stranger, but that was then. When Bobby had asked what happened to his wife, Cas was in the same position he was now and said the same thing before Rufus had even opened his mouth, _Demon. _The way Rufus had sharply looked at Cas was unsettling, but that's what it was. Bobby lived in a word with demons and monsters and one of them had taken his wife, made him _kill her._

"I know." it was the only thing he could manage to say as he felt like a wound in chest was torn wider. "Mommy...Mommy is in a better place." he tried, if demons and monsters existed then why shouldn't heaven? He needed something good to exist now when everything else was be taken away. Cas stilled, no longer shaking as he drew himself away from Bobby's shoulder, cheeks wet and eyes red from crying.

"Mommy not come home?" Cassidy asked. The pain in Bobby's chest was threatening to consume him.

"No." Bobby's voice broke, "No Mommy isn't coming home."

His son dipped his head and nodded then patted Bobby's chest, "No more demons? Daddy and Cas safe?"

How was he supposed to answer that? Monsters and demons, demons and monsters, they _existed, _those bastards existed. Everything was different, nothing was what he thought it once was. Karen was taken away from him and all that he had now was Cas. Looking at the wide blue eyes, so reminiscent of Karen's own, Bobby had to protect him where he let Karen down. Keep Cassidy safe, that's all that mattered now. "Yeah, Daddy and Cas are safe." he called Rufus a week later, he went on his first hunt a month after.

_to be continued_

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**Final Thoughts: **Am I part of the fandom yet?

I love it when I pretend I can write, don't you? I don't know what I'm doing...I mean I _do_ know what I'm doing but now I'm only confusing myself. This was unbeta'd cause that's how I roll. Was it crap? Yes? Fine then. Til the next chapter, this is Fallen saying stay classy readers._  
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